A Real Stag/Cuckold Husband's Truth: Harder Than the Fantasy. Was It Worth It?

Is the Cuckold fantasy as good in real life? My husband says real life is harder than the fantasy, and the jealousy is real. Pride, jealousy, compersion, possession, lust, fear, love and service all show up at once. Was it worth it? He answers that in his own words: he trusts the woman who picked him in the first place, and she still picks him every single time.

He reads chapter 1 of our book, Becoming Happy Hotwife, in his own voice. We have been together since 1994 and married since 1999. He is a former federal law enforcement officer, an airborne soldier, an MMA fighter and an Ironman finisher. The voices and the story are real. The picture is animated.

10:39 · Watch on YouTube

Chapters

0:00Intro
0:16Chapter 1: A Note From My Husband
1:13Cuckold fantasy vs reality: "Be ready"
2:39The Ironman and the edge
3:26The nights a real Stag/Cuckold husband remembers most
4:07Cuckold angst: when you want to blame her
5:20Stop listening to what society says a man should be
5:49Real Stag/Cuckold vs the internet version: Stag, Vixen and seasons
6:47The language of our game
7:37"I love my wife like no other"
8:48What he wants you to know about her
9:52Was it worth it? In his own words
10:30Where to find the book

Full transcript

Lightly cleaned for reading. Nothing added.

Her husband: Hey, I'm Happy's husband. Before Happy tells her story, her book starts with me. Chapter one is a note I wrote to the men reading it. If you're a husband who's been carrying this question, this one's for you. I'm going to read the whole thing.

Her husband: Chapter one, a note from my husband. If you're a man reading this and your stomach is in a knot, I've been where you are. Stay with me. Anyone who has known me my entire life would never believe I'm letting this book come out. They would be shocked to see what we actually do in the private world we built. For our entire relationship, I've been the traditional husband, providing, protective, controlling. The kind of man who, when I was younger, would have criticized this lifestyle as much as anyone. We've always talked about our fantasies. We've always had that fun in the bedroom, but for the longest time, my need for control meant I could never actually let that happen. Eventually, I reached a point where I had to make a choice. If I had spent my entire life talking about something that interests both of us and we never actually try it, we would look back with regret. As we got into later years of our marriage, our kids were older, our business was doing well, and life was generally less stressful. But life was short, and we both wanted to live our best lives together.

Her husband: Now, let me say something to the man reading this who is still on the fence. This was harder for me than it was for her. Reality is different from fantasy, so be ready. I know that is probably not what you want to hear. We tell ourselves the opposite. The hard part for her will be walking through that door. Everyone will be out of their comfort zone, but in my experience, hers is the easier role. The Switch flips and she's gone into the moment. I was the one sitting there with every feeling I had about my wife stacked on top of each other at the same time. Pride, jealousy, compersion, possession, lust, fear, love, service. They all show up at once and they fight for the wheel. That's the work, and nobody warned me it was coming. Here is what I want you to hold on to when it hits. She is not doing this because something's missing. She's doing this because she and I decided to play the game. That's the only reason. It is voluntary. It is ours. I can change the rules tomorrow. I can slow it down or put it on hold for a season. I can say not tonight. The whole thing only exists because both of us keep choosing it. I remind myself of that when the noise in my head gets loud. The other thing I want you to hold on to is this. I've found that the moments when I'm doing something hard for a purpose, those moments are the hardest in real time, are the moments I will look back and generally be the proudest or most excited about. They are for me anyway. I know that sounds backwards. It is not.

Her husband: I trained for the Chattanooga Ironman. The Ironman race is a race consisting of 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, and a 26.2 mile run to end it. Totaling 140.6 miles. Most of that training was hard. The race itself was even harder. There were hours of it where every part of my body and my brain was telling me to stop. I did not stop and I actually want to do another one. Those moments are the ones that I look back with the most excitement and pride. The lifestyle can be similar sometimes. The moment when I'm sitting there and I want to call it off, that's the edge. That is the thing I will remember the rest of my life. More than the easy nights, the hard ones. The ones where I kept watching or let it keep moving forward when every instinct was screaming at me to stop it or slow it down.

Her husband: Here's the part nobody tells you. Those are also the hottest nights. The ones where my stomach was in a knot and I couldn't look away, where I was jealous and turned on and proud all at once, and I cannot separate the threads. The intensity is not in spite of how hard it is, the intensity is how hard it is. The two things are the same. That is the part that took me years to understand. This is not for everyone. Men are wired differently. For some, this could be the biggest nightmare of their lives. If that is you, this is not the lifestyle for you. Be honest with yourself. Be ready and find what works. Years from now, I will look back at the version of myself that almost said stop and most of the time, I'll be glad that I kept moving forward.

Her husband: That's my experience, but I want to be honest with you. There were nights I wanted to blame her, nights I wanted to step away and reset. That's part of it too. If a moment's too much, it's okay to say so. It is okay to pause. It's okay to take the season off. We have done all those things. What is not okay is letting the resentment land on her, because here's the truth I had to sit with in the quiet. I'm the one who led her to this. We talked about this for over 20 years before she went through with it. She did not cheat on me. She did the thing we both decided on. She trusted me. If my reality ended up harder than fantasy I shared with her, that's not her fault. Communicate. We talked more about how we handled jealousy later in the book, but for now just hear this. Whatever you feel in those moments is yours to own, not hers to carry. This is not a lifestyle that rewards comfort. Neither does anything else in life worth having. The businesses we built, the marriage we were building, the kids we raised, the body I trained, everything great in my life has been found after I pushed through something hard. This is one more of those things. I push the edge. I keep moving forward. I trust the woman who picked me in the first place. She still picks me every single time. That is the point.

Her husband: So stop listening to what society says a man should be. In my mind, a man does what he wants to do for himself and the people he cares about period, unaffected by other people's opinions. What kind of man would I be if I let society talk me out of something that ended up being completely life-changing for both of us? When I look at the absolute fire we have now and everything we built, all of it stems from ignoring the rules and finally writing our own.

Her husband: I want to make this crystal clear to the men reading this. Our reality is not the typical internet search version of Hotwife lifestyle. If you go online, you'll see a lot of extreme sissy or Cuckold content. We also have a strict no male to male contact rule. If any of that works for someone else, that's fine, but it's not the whole lifestyle and it certainly isn't ours. There are different flavors to all this, with fantasy still playing a role. We are mostly what you would call Stag and Vixen. She really likes adding the Cuckold flavor. Sometimes I do feel that pull where I want to step back and let her be in control. The service trait is strong in me and I want to give it to her. It is incredibly hot for both of us because it pushes our limits. It gets intense. That is exactly why we have seasons in our marriage. Some seasons are wild. Then we need a little break so we step back, close ranks, and keep it between us. We do not share when we do not want to. Part of what makes any of those flavors work for us is the language we built together over the years.

Her husband: For the outside world looking in, the way we talk to each other during those intense moments and in her music especially, on a meme can sound shocking. Or meme, however you want to say it. To anyone outside our marriage, it could sound cruel, like she has stopped respecting me, like she is enjoying tearing me down. You have to understand that is simply the language of our game. That's why we call them love songs. It can get intense when the fun, mean streak of hers comes out. It is a language we have developed and perfected over more than three decades together. We know exactly what it means. We know it is our secret. We both love the tease. We had growing pains and you will too. It gets easier when you remember this as the lifestyle you both chose. It is voluntary. It can come, it can change back if we choose. That's the whole deal we made.

Her husband: I love my wife like no other. I love touching her, having her all to myself, sleeping next to her every night, being wrapped around her every single night. But there is a totally different undeniable thrill in stepping back, watching her, and not being fully in it. I get to see her in a way I never see her at any other time. The expression on her face, her toes curling, the sound she makes. It's a beautiful paradox watching the woman I love married and protect step into that fire and show zero anxiety, zero shame, and total freedom. Mixed with the jealousy, the compersion, and the service trait fighting inside me. In that world something just takes over. We both know what every person in that room is there to do. They are there to give my wife the best night she can possibly have. It's a memorable experience for everyone involved. We are not putting this in anybody's face and we are certainly not pushing anyone else to do it. We've simply decided to do our marriage a little differently and we are happier than we have ever been. You have to stop listening to what society wants for you and start figuring out what actually makes you happy. We are sharing this to give you an understanding of what works for us. This is not a fantasy, this is our real life.

Her husband: Before I end, I want to say something about my wife. For those of you who do not know her, she is simply the best, most caring, and purely good person I know. She has spent her whole life putting others first. She's an amazing mother, a strong business owner, true to her heart, and what I just said is an understatement. Knowing that about her and watching the side of her that was born when we walked through that door has been the most mind-blowing experience of my life. To see my perfect, faithful wife become completely free, confident, and totally consumed in pleasure is something I cannot fully describe. I get to see the sheer ecstasy on her face. I get to catch the deeply intimate eye contact that only we understand. As her song says, life unfolds in ways unknown, paths appear but not foreshown. I am so incredibly proud of her and of everything we have built side by side. I'm thankful we decided to walk through our own path together. You're still the one. That was our wedding song by Shania Twain because everyone said we would not make it. We did.

Her husband: One last thing in my own words. I have read every page on this book, not just skimmed it, read it, sometimes pausing on the harder pages so we could talk it through. She has my full blessing to share our story exactly as it is told here. If you are a husband reading this and any part of it feels familiar, you're not alone. I'm rooting for you and your wife both. Not for this lifestyle but for the fulfilling life and marriage and whatever that means to you. It is scary putting all of it out there, wondering what people will think and say, but we would rather be judged by our words or by the words of this book than a quick Hotwife Google search. We proved them all wrong.

Her husband: That's the chapter. The rest of the story is hers to tell and it's in the book, Becoming Happy Hotwife. The link is below. We proved them all wrong.

Questions this answers

Is the Cuckold fantasy as good in real life?

Is the Hotwife lifestyle harder on the husband?

In our marriage, yes. My husband says the hard part for me is walking through the door, and the hard part for him is sitting there with every feeling at once. He also says the hardest nights are the ones he is proudest of. Whatever he feels in those moments is his to own, not mine to carry.